Caught in the Financial Middle Ground

What the sandwich generation needs to know about dementia, care and planning ahead

There is a moment many families recognise, even if they never quite name it. A parent begins repeating themselves. Keys go missing. A familiar journey suddenly becomes confusing. Life, which already felt stretched in every direction, shifts again but this time it feels different.

For people in their forties, fifties and early sixties, this moment often arrives at the worst possible time. Careers are at full stretch. Mortgages still run. Children may still be at home or newly independent but not yet settled. Now, quietly and without warning, a parent needs more. Not just the occasional lift to an appointment, but genuine, sustained support.

This is the reality of being part of what researchers and social commentators have come to call the sandwich generation. Those caring for the generation above while still providing for the generation below. It is a position millions of people in Scotland and across the UK find themselves in and it is becoming more common as life expectancy rises and dementia diagnoses grow year on year.

 

The numbers are telling a story we need to hear

Dementia currently affects around one million people in the UK, a figure that Alzheimer’s Research UK projects will rise to 1.4 million by 2040. In Scotland alone, more than 90,000 people are living with the condition today. These are not abstract statistics. They are families, friends and communities already managing its effects.

Yet despite its scale, recent research suggests a deep and troubling confidence gap among those most likely to be called upon as carers. A study conducted by Censuswide among 2,000 men without caring responsibilities found that only 14 per cent of men aged 55 and over felt confident they would know how to respond if a family member developed dementia. Among young people aged 16 to 24, that figure was 32 per cent, more than twice as high.

It is a striking reversal. You might expect age and experience to bring greater confidence. Instead, those closest to the reality of caregiving, the very people most statistically likely to face it within the next decade, feel the least prepared.

 

Why does this matter for you? If you are in your forties or fifties, there is a good chance your parents are now in their seventies or eighties. With dementia affecting around one in six people over 80 in the UK, the possibility that someone close to you will require dementia-related care is not remote. It is something worth thinking about now, before a crisis forces the conversation.

 

What makes dementia care different

Caring for a parent with dementia is not the same as caring for someone recovering from illness or managing a physical condition. It requires a particular kind of endurance, one that is emotional as much as it is practical.

Memory loss affects the carer as much as the person living with the condition. Watching a parent forget your name, or repeat the same question twenty times in an hour, or become distressed in a situation they have always navigated with ease, is profoundly difficult. And unlike many medical conditions, dementia does not follow a predictable timeline. It progresses differently in every person, making planning feel almost impossible.

Alongside the emotional weight come very real practical demands. Managing medication, attending appointments, coordinating professional care, communicating with medical teams, organising finances, potentially arranging a move to residential care: these responsibilities do not arrive neatly spaced. They pile up, often all at once, on people who are already carrying a great deal.

For many in the sandwich generation, the additional pressure of work commitments, mortgage payments, and family responsibilities makes this feel completely overwhelming. Research consistently shows that unpaid carers are at significantly higher risk of burnout, depression, and long-term health problems of their own.

 

The conversation most families delay for too long

There is one thing that comes up time and again when families reach this point: they wish they had spoken about it sooner.

The conversation about what happens if a parent loses capacity is not an easy one. It sits alongside other conversations we tend to put off: wills, end-of-life wishes, financial arrangements. It feels premature, sometimes even disrespectful, to raise it before there is an obvious reason. But waiting until a diagnosis has arrived, or until cognitive decline is already affecting daily life, can mean that some critical legal and financial protections are no longer available.

In Scotland, the relevant legal framework is the Adults with Incapacity (Scotland) Act 2000. Under this legislation, a Power of Attorney must be put in place while a person still has the mental capacity to grant it. Once that capacity is lost, the only route to managing someone’s affairs is through the courts, a process that is significantly more complex, more expensive, and far more distressing for everyone involved.

 

Power of Attorney in Scotland: two types to consider Continuing Power of Attorney: This covers financial and property matters, and crucially, it continues to apply even after the granter loses mental capacity. Welfare Power of Attorney: This covers personal welfare decisions, including medical treatment and care arrangements, and only comes into effect when the person can no longer make decisions for themselves. Both can be granted in the same document and registered with the Office of the Public Guardian (Scotland). Once registered, they give the appointed attorney the legal authority to act on behalf of the person who has lost capacity.

 

The financial reality of dementia care

Care costs in the UK have continued to rise. The average weekly cost of a residential care home in Scotland currently sits at around 900 to 1,000 pounds, though this varies considerably depending on the level of care required and the location of the facility. For specialist dementia nursing care, costs can be considerably higher.

Means testing applies to social care in Scotland, and eligibility for local authority-funded support is assessed against both income and assets. While Scotland does provide free personal care for those assessed as needing it, this does not cover accommodation costs in a residential setting, meaning many families find themselves contributing significantly from their own resources.

This is where early financial planning matters enormously. Understanding what assets a parent holds, how their estate is structured, what protection is in place, and what State support may be available is not a morbid exercise. It is a practical act of care that can make a material difference to the quality of support a parent receives and to the financial resilience of the wider family.

 

Key financial questions worth asking now: Does your parent have a valid will that reflects their current wishes? Is there a registered Power of Attorney in place? Do you have a clear picture of their assets, savings and any pension income? Is there any existing life cover, critical illness or long-term care insurance? Have you considered how care costs would be met if residential care became necessary?

 

Breaking the silence in your own family

One of the most meaningful things the sandwich generation can do is normalise these conversations within their own families. Not as a single difficult discussion to be endured and then filed away, but as an ongoing, open exchange about plans, preferences and wishes.

That might mean talking to your own parents about what they would want if they needed more support. It might mean making sure siblings or other family members share the same understanding of arrangements and responsibilities. It might also mean looking at your own situation with fresh eyes, asking whether your affairs are in order, whether your children or partner would know what to do if something happened to you.

The research showing that middle-aged men feel least prepared to face dementia in a family member points to something worth addressing directly. It is not a failure of character or care. It is often a product of how these subjects have historically been handled: quietly, separately, and usually left until the last possible moment.

That approach carries a real cost. Not just financially, but emotionally, for everyone involved.

 

How Wellington Wealth can help

This is exactly the kind of planning we help families work through. Whether you are thinking about your parents’ arrangements, your own estate, or how to protect your family from the financial impact of long-term care, we can help you find clarity.

We work with clients across Scotland to build financial plans that account for the realities of life, including the ones we tend not to plan for. We believe that a good financial plan is not just about growing wealth. It is about making sure that wealth works when it matters most and that the people you love are protected.

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BE AWARE

This information is for guidance only and does not constitute regulated financial advice. To ensure you have personalised advice for your particular set of circumstances, you must make an appointment and speak to one of our professional advisers. Please note these services are chargeable. The facts in this article were correct at time of writing, but you may be reading it in the future. Always check rates and allowances before taking action or speak to a qualified financial planner. All investments carry an element of risk, they can fall as well as rise and you may not get back what you pay in. Errors & omissions excepted.